Welcome to “Doctor Rich Reacts” week! Today, I’m reacting to the video “Dudes talk about pap smears.” Now, I haven’t seen this video before — I can’t wait for the cringe factor on this one!
Don’t have time to read this post? Watch the video here instead!
[Man making buzzing noises and pretending to quickly change a tire, motioning like he is pulling open doors and sticking in his hand]
Like a pit crew at a NASCAR thing…
Doctor Rich [laughing]:
That was very graphic.
Question 1: “What is a gynecologist?”
A gynecologist is somebody that takes care of the “pudanda.”
A doctor that specializes in the… the “nether region” of a woman’s body.
He makes sure that everything is in order. Everything is smelling right… moisture is at good levels…
Doctor Rich [laughing sarcastically and motioning “no” with his hands]
Yeah — smelling… moisture… That’s, that’s our primary focus every day.
You need regular checkups. You gotta take it in — it’s like an oil change.
It’s like when I go get my oil change: Do I know why I need to? No, not really — but I just like, you know, just do it.
Doctor Rich [shaking his head and laughing at the previous answer]
I don’t know why — just go and do it. Get your oil changed!
Question 2: What questions do they ask?
Alright — vagina questions…
How is your vagina feeling lately?
Has your vagina been hurting?
How has the cleaning process been?
What’s been coming out of your “c**chie cr*ck?”
Do you still have periods?
How active are you sexually?
Doctor Rich [nodding that this is an actual question a gynecologist might ask]:
How many… uh…*wink, wink* [fist pumping his arm]
Are you relaxed? Do you mind if I do this?
I think it’s just the general stuff before they, before they get their hands…
Doctor Rich [laughing and signalling “time out”]:
Um, yeah — it’s funny.
All right, let’s time out.
Rule number one: never, EVER refer to a woman’s vagina as a “c**chie cr*ck.”
There’s a couple of things to unpack here. It was a rapid fire there — but there were some questions that actually do pertain to the practice of gynecology. So there was a question about moisture. This is extremely relevant — particularly for a urogynecology practice — because most women are in the menopausal age range. This is the age where, because of the loss of hormone effect on the tissue, the vagina becomes very dry — and as a result of that, can cause a lot of pain, itching, and burning. It is something that needs to be treated with moisturizers, lubricants, or actual vaginal estrogen creams. Another thing that can happen because of the dryness is an increased risk for urinary tract infections — which also requires the application of vaginal estrogen.
Another one that came up was “smelling.” So vaginitis. An actual discharge that causes odor is one of the most common reasons that women will come and see a gynecologist. Most of the time, it’s due to bacterial vaginosis or yeast infection. And these are two things that are easily treated with an antibiotic or an antifungal. Now, you shouldn’t dismiss those things because there’s also a chance it could be a sign of something like an infectious disease, a sexually transmitted infection, or sometimes cancer presents that way.
So if something doesn’t feel right — you should see your doctor. And although this is a humorous video, it does bring up a good point. This is something that is common, and it’s something that you can’t be embarrassed about because it could be a sign of something going on or some disease process — and you do need to bring it up and talk with your doctor about it.
Question Three: “What is a pelvic exam?”
So my friends have told me they prop your feet up on these things. And then they kind of like open… you know, they’re like, “Open wide!”
Dude Nine [imitating a gynecologist and ducking under a drape]:
“Well, so how are things?” And then he, like, puts them [pretending to move a patient’s feet into stirrups] and then he goes like… [pretending to duck under a patient’s gown]
Dude Eight :
I like to imagine that… um, they give the woman a lollipop?
Surely, they’re probably seven fingers up your…your ”you know what”… your “hoohah”…
You know, making sure all the… the… the walls are intact, the lips are doing what they need to do… you know — just make sure everything is flowing.
I have no idea how to tell if a cervix is okay — but I imagine it’s like an avocado: checking to see if it’s ripe.
I can’t imagine!
Not for the faint of heart. So… I don’t think there’s any budding gynecologists in the group.
So there’s no shoving. There’s certainly no avocados, but you know, we are looking for cancer screening, disease process screening, and this is an important part of your annual exam.
Now, the Pap screening guidelines have changed in recent years. There are some women that can come every three years, some women that can have a Pap every five years, and some women that don’t need to have any more Paps. What I think is important to understand is that a Pap is only a part of your annual exam. You still need to have the annual exam for breast health, urogenital health — even if the Pap (which is a test for cervical cancer) isn’t included that year.
Onto “What is a Pap smear?”
Question 4: “What is a Pap smear?”
Yeah. Pap smear is certainly a word I’ve heard — and it sounds like the thing you never want to put on your bagel!
Putting a fresh coat of paint?
…then the doctor rubs jelly on his hands. And he just like, [motioning like he is rubbing gel all over his stomach] gets it all jellified…
They apply it, leave it in there for… maybe they just leave it in there and it dissolves?
There’s like a… like a speculum? Okay! So there’s a speculum, and it’s like the jaws of life!
I know it gets very cold and drafty…
I think what you do is you get like an extra long Q-tip, and you kind of…
Dude Seven [reaching above his head with exaggerated movements]
…swirl it around there, like that. And they make sure they have a lot of that juice on there…
…smear it around and you a little “pap” [making a patting motion] and say, “It’s going to be alright.”
And then they find out if you have any like… diseases, or if you’re pregnant, or if your uterus is gonna fall out of your body…
Alright, I was about to lose faith in that guy cause he’s shoving things and swirling things around… but that was actually the best response so far!
For sure. So, yes — they check for diseases. The Pap itself is only a test for cervical cancer, but while we’re doing a Pap (which just involves a brush and a little spatula — takes all of ten seconds), we can also do a swab for infections if you have any of those symptoms that we mentioned earlier.
And then as far as pregnancy — yes, if you are not having periods every month and you’re not on a contraceptive, that’s a very important part of your annual exam. It’s not specifically part of the Pap, but that’s what they do. And then the organs falling out of your body — I mean, many women don’t know that that can happen! So that’s pretty insightful for this guy that I was about to give up on! Although wildly inaccurate, it’s thoroughly entertaining: the Pap smear, “You don’t want in your bagel,” and the jaws of life! [Doctor Rich laughs and gives a thumbs up]
Why don’t we have, like, penis doctors? [Caption appears on the screen with the definition of urologist: a physician who treats urinary system disorders (including disorders of male genitalia)]
It definitely makes me feel more appreciative that the penis is something that is not as hard to maintain.
Your gynecologist knows you better than your family does in a lot of ways.
I feel like after that, it’s like, “Why don’t you guys come over for dinner?”
Doctor Rich [laughing]:
“Come on over for dinner! Bring the ‘Pap smear’ for the bagels!”
Well done, guys. We went from the catastrophically wrong, to the insightful, to the entertaining! So go ahead and share this video with someone who needs some education but could also use a laugh!