You Laugh, You Lose | Dad Joke Battle Royale
Welcome back to the Doctor Rich Channel. Today we have in-studio — by popular demand — Jessica Campion, anesthesiologist extraordinaire! We’re going to be doing a twist on an internet trend, “You Laugh, You Lose,” as made popular by Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell. Make sure to stick around till the end to find out who laughs — and who loses!
Don’t have time to read this post? Watch the video here instead!
Doctor Rich [motioning to Dr. Compean]:
Ladies first!
| Dr. Compean: I used to have a job working for an anesthesiologist. I really hated that job — left me feeling numb. [Doctor Rich nods his head and smiles without laughing.] |
| Doctor Rich: What did the nurse say to the surgeon when he asked her how the girl who swallowed some coins was doing? We haven’t seen any change yet! Dr. Compean [laughing]: That’s stupid! Doctor Rich [laughing and pointing]: Booyah! It was so stupid it was funny! |
| Dr. Compean: Why did the hipster decline surgery? Doctor Rich: Why did the hipster? Dr. Compean [affirmatively]: Uh huh… Doctor Rich: Hmmm… I don’t know. Dr. Compean: The anesthetic wasn’t local. Doctor Rich: Uh, that’s pretty good! That’s pretty good. Dr. Compean: I don’t think I even get this one! Doctor Rich: They don’t want to — the hipsters — they want everything, you know, local. They don’t want big corporations and stuff! Dr. Compean [now understanding, but still not laughing]: Ahhh… |
| Doctor Rich: Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage people to pick their nose! Dr. Compean [shaking head and smiling]: Terrible! |
| Dr. Compean: My doctor was very supportive when I told him I was going to take the anesthesia by myself before the surgery. He told me to “knock myself out.” Doctor Rich: There’s a joke in there about the OBG telling yourself you knock yourself up… |
| Doctor Rich: What do you call a blind gynecologist? A lip reader! Dr. Compean [smiling, but holding it together]: Uh-uh. No. Doctor Rich: Too far? There was a line… and that crossed the line! |
| Dr. Compean: I’m an anesthesiologist — I get to pass gas for a living! Doctor Rich: These are, like, really bad, medical dad jokes! [Dr. Compean agrees] |
| Doctor Rich: Who was Princess Leia’s gynecologist? Dr. Compean: Something about “OB” something… Doctor Rich:OB/GYN Kenobi!Dr. Compean [laughing]: Obviously! |
| Dr. Compean: Did you hear about the new restaurant called “Karma?” There’s no menu — you get what you deserve! Doctor Rich: Ahhh, that’s good! |
| Doctor Rich: What did the zero say to the eight? “Nice belt!” Dr. Compean [thinking aloud]: That’s a nice belt? Zero to the eight? I don’t get it… Doctor Rich: Think about a zero — and then it’s an eight… so it must be wearing a belt! Dr. Compean [laughing]: Ohhhh… That’s cute! Doctor Rich [also laughing]: That’s the best one we did! |
| Dr. Compean: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese! Cameraman [offscreen]: You both should’ve taken a couple of shots! Dr. Compean [laughing]: I know! Doctor Rich: It’s not too late… Dr. Compean [laughing]: I’m not drinking right now — “Dry January!” Doctor Rich: I’m doing a “Moist” January… Dr. Compean [amused]: Moist… Well, you know — I only drink on the weekends! Doctor Rich: Yeah… I only drink on days with a “Y.” [Dr. Compean thinks for a second, then cracks up laughing.] |
| Dr. Compean: What is a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? Doctor Rich:Arrrrrrrgh! [Both doctors start laughing.] |
| Doctor Rich: What kind of a car would an egg drive? [In a German accent, laughing] A “yolks”-vagon! Dr. Compean: That’s cute. I’m not laughing, though! Doctor Rich [laughing, pointing to the cameraman]: Even Jonathan laughed at that one! |
| Dr. Compean: What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Doctor Rich [starting to laugh]: Nobody Nose? Dr. Compean [smiling, but not laughing]: Good job! |
| Doctor Rich: What country’s capital is growing the fastest? [In a jaunty accent] Ireland — every day it’s doublin’! |
| Dr. Compean: What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck! Doctor Rich: Ohhhh… That’s pretty good! |
| Doctor Rich: Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? The “p” is silent! Dr. Compean: That’s REALLY good… |
| Dr. Compean: What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Doctor Rich: Nothing? Dr. Compean: Close… Diddly squats! [Doctor Rich chuckles] See?! He laughed! |
| Doctor Rich: What do you call a fake noodle? An “impasta!” [Doctor Rich starts snickering, then Dr. Compean also begins to laugh.] |
| Dr. Compean [reading the joke and trying to stifle laughter]: It’s so stupid! Doctor Rich: That’s “pre-joke” snickering! Dr. Compean [laughing]: I’m just trying to get it out of my system — it’s a visual!Okay. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? Doctor Rich [pointing to the cameraman]: Jonathan? Dr. Compean: He can carry a cup of coffee in each hand… and a dozen donuts! Doctor Rich [laughing and covering his face with his hands]: Ohhhh… |
| Doctor Rich [already laughing]: In the medical space, what do you call a cheap circumcision? Dr. Compean: Hmmm… I don’t know… Doctor Rich: A “rip-off!” Dr. Compean [grimacing]:Ow! Doctor Rich: That’s just a violent joke! Dr. Compean: It’s terrible! |
| Dr. Compean: What is still together after the s&*# they’ve been through?Doctor Rich: Tommy Lee and Pamela? Dr. Compean: Your butt cheeks! Doctor Rich [dropping his phone and laughing]: Oh. My. God. [Dr. Compean laughs heartily.] |
| Doctor Rich: Why is diarrhea hereditary? Dr. Compean [puzzled]: Why is it hereditary? Doctor Rich [cracking up]: It runs in your genes! Dr. Compean: That’s good. I’m not laughing though. Doctor Rich: We should have done shots though! [Dr. Compean laughs in agreement.] |
Doctor Rich:
Anyone who laughs at our jokes should be tested for Coronavirus. One of the symptoms of the disease is having no taste!
