Welcome back to the Doctor Rich Channel. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for another Dr. Glaucomflecken! I know it’s been a while, but he’s back. What to get the gynecologist for their birthday…
[On Dr. Glaucomflecken’s video, party music begins to play. Doctor Rich starts dancing in his chair. The chair breaks, Doctor Rich falls, and begins laughing.]
This chair is unsafe! For real this time, here we go…
Don’t have time to read this post? Watch the video here instead!
[Video begins. All parts except the gynecologist are played by Dr. Glaucomflecken]
Neurologist:
Okay, everyone, we forgot that it’s the Gynecologist’s birthday today. We gotta get her something. Does anybody have any ideas?
Emergency Medicine:
Uh, yeah. I could just not bother her for a whole day. That’s what I get everybody.
Radiology:
Hey, you’ve never gotten me that.
Emergency Medicine:
What are you talking about? Last Tuesday? I didn’t give you any work for 24 hours!
Radiology:
That’s just because the CT scanner broke!
Emergency Medicine [camera zooms in dramatically]:
That was a dark day…
Neurologist:
Alright, come on! We’ve got to come up with something!
Doctor Rich:
So that’s Dr. Glaucomflecken and always poking at the emergency medicine doctors that base their entire diagnostic armamentarium is CAT scans and the Rolodex of specialists to triage the patients to some other specialty.
General Surgery [bitterly]:
I didn’t get anything on my birthday! Why do we have to give her something?
Anesthesia:
Because we actually like her!
Doctor Rich [laughing]:
Haha! They like gynecology — they don’t like General Surgery!
Ophthalmologist:
Every year Jonathan gets me work-life balance on my birthday…we could do that?
Ortho:
I’ve got an extra kettlebell…
Neurologist:
Ortho, you want to give her a 25-pound weight?
Ortho [offended]:
It’s 35 pounds, Bro!
Neurologist:
Has anybody ever given a gynecologist a gift?
[Neurologist looks around at the other doctors, who don’t answer.]
Doctor Rich:
So the Ortho gets workout equipment, the Emergency Medicine leaves you alone for 24 hours (that’d be nice!). Uh, what does a gynecologist get? [Thinking] Uh… glamor shots? Decorative forceps?
Neurologist [grasping at straws]:
Has anybody ever given a woman a gift?
[No one answers.]
Neurologist:
All right, we’re out of time. Everyone just empty out your pockets. Let’s see what we’ve got.
[OB/GYN walks into the room]
OB/GYN:
Oh, hi everybody!
Neurologist [handing OB a bag of items]:
Happy birthday, Gynecology! We got you a gift!
OB/GYN [unsure what to say]:
Oh, a jar of Pitocin…
Anesthesia [awkwardly]:
Happy birthday!
OB/GYN:
Uh, thanks?
Doctor Rich:
So that’s probably the most thoughtful gift — Anesthesia providing a jar of Pitocin !
So Pitocin is just a synthetic analog of a biological hormone called oxytocin. So oxytocin is a peptide molecule secreted from the brain (the pituitary) that’s involved in uterine contractions to deliver a baby during labor and delivery — and also for the milk let down for lactation. Although, there have been a lot of recent studies that have looked at oxytocin — including other social and psychological functions (including sexual activity, erection, maternalistic behavior, and social bonding). But the drug Pitocin is a synthetic version of that hormone that’s used to augment labor and to speed up the delivery process. And by the looks of it, you can never have too much!
[Anesthesia raises drape so that you can only see his eyes]
Neurologist:
There’s more…
OB/GYN:
Big gift card to 24 Hour Fitness…
Ortho:
HBD, Lady Bro!
OB/GYN:
…and a bottle of eye drops?
Ophthalmologist:
They’re dilating drops.
OB/GYN:
You know, we don’t use this to dilate the cervix, right?
[Ophthalmologist looks over to Jonathan, who shakes his head “no.”]
Ophthalmologist:
Of course not!
Doctor Rich:
So that’s the Ophthalmologist’s loyal scribe, Jonathan — which, one of these days, we’re going to have to get my loyal videographer, Jonathan, to do the “Jonathan head nod!”
[Jonathan, the videographer appears momentarily and nods]
So, yeah. Eye dilating drops can’t be used in OB/GYN. There actually are a number of agents that are used for cervical ripening (or cervical dilation), including something called laminaria — which is actually a type of seaweed that absorbs water over time and dilates the cervix. It’s mechanically placed inside the cervix and used to dilate it. Another medication that can be taken (either orally,rectally, or vaginally) is called Cytotec™ or misoprostol.
Neurologist:
Well, happy birthday.
Doctor Rich:
Okay, so yeah — for my birthday (to my ER colleague)… Instead of leaving me alone for 24 hours — Randy, give me a bottle of Chȃteau Mouton Rothschild. But, all I really want for my birthday is for you to hit the subscribe button!
